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Week 2 / Denial / Concerned Relatives

by EMDR

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1.
Lost My Appetite 01:40
lyrics
I’ll tell you the story of how we met But it might make you lose your appetite At a party playing music in a local bar You’re probably thinking it seems alright And it was for a while and by a while I mean a month People said don’t judge give it more time Texting with his ex and tinder should’ve been enough But I loved him so I ignored the signs Met his ex at a wedding in Syracuse And I told him that he had to choose And he drove me back and back again to see her that night And I just lost my appetite And in a week he called to make it right, and I just lost my appetite If a second chance is meant for a moment like this Then I’ll try to be a good girl and forgive him Then there was a girl I went to high school with My first thought was ‘not this again’ It’s easy to forgive because she wasn’t there But she wouldn’t like me now, and she wasn’t nice then And you tell me I’m a snowflake and you tell me I’m a cunt And you’ll break all of my fairy lights When I tell you that I’ve finally had enough You go to your car and start to cry By now in the story we’re three years in, and somehow I’m not over him When I get a message from a girl I don’t know But I never hear back so I let it slip And you don’t care if she lies and you don’t care if she’s cruel Because you both act like you’re in middle school I’m telling myself that it can’t be true Well I’ll just lose my appetite When I see you kissing that crazy bitch, I just lose my appetite It makes me wanna shoot myself and throw me in a ditch But I’ll just lose my appetite And I can work up a sweat and I can work like a dog But I can’t work up an appetite I’ll never lose my keys and I’ll never lose my job But I just lost my appetite
2.
Insomnia 04:38
lyrics
Been alone Been alone so long lying awake here thinking When will I drift off to sleep? All my dreams you turn into nightmares And when I awake I hold myself in my sweat screaming Am I imagining this? I’m imagining you walk through the front door with a grin You’re ready to strangle me I’m not there when you try to say hello me My heart left the thorns at the door So you can’t dig in too deep When I stare at you, I’m staring listlessly into The abyss wishing that it didn’t feel like Someone hit repeat
3.
Over The Counter 03:23
lyrics
Down the street and over the counter Is where I spend most of my days I accept that it’s over one pill at a time And still I’m lost in the past of the haze Well my friends tell me not to look back So I try not to look back and look away Sitting violently alone with myself When I get seven calls from you My aunt says that he just wants your attention He’ll never say he’s sorry because to him you’re living proof Tell him if something’s wrong with me something’s definitely wrong with you Something’s definitely wrong with you Over the counter with you I’ll go over the counter with you

about

*Content Warning: trauma, dv, ptsd

Notes:
I spent a lot of time alone in my apartment. I didn’t have a real bed for a while and was just sleeping in my sleeping bag on top of my yoga mat (the height of luxury am I right?). I remember feeling so ashamed that I couldn’t tell my parents at first; But my aunt was really worried about me, so she called me a lot and told me she would support me however possible. If you’re a survivor of domestic abuse, you know how validating it is when someone not only understands the atrocity you went through, but also understands that in order to heal, you need people in your corner. I self-medicated a lot. My abuser had started seeing someone not to my knowledge before I had moved back up to Rochester, and she sent me a lot of threatening emails when she found out they were still talking to me (and I had no idea who she was.) Her threats of physical violence kept me awake for nights in a row. And my abuser didn’t feel the need to address it or do anything about it, which just left me dead inside. I remember it was winter. I took a really long walk out in the snow and passed out hoping I wouldn’t come back. When I finally woke up, it had been maybe an hour? I was far down University, almost by Winton. I walked 45 minutes back home and wrote “Insomnia”.

Ep 2 (week 2) represents the second stage of grief: denial. This is the second installment of five under EMDR. The five eps are available as a compilation album for purchase here: emdr.bandcamp.com/album/emdr-a-five-ep-compilation

credits

released September 4, 2020

Viola - Cindy Lan
Drums - Andrew Tachine
Guitar / Vocals - Julia Egan

Album Art - Devon Rose @artbydevrozie
Mixing & Mastering - Sam Snyder

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all rights reserved

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EMDR

EMDR (c. 2018), fronted by guitarist and songwriter Julia, uses loop pedals, a pink fender, drums, beats, and viola to bring you indie-alternative narratives on ptsd and domestic abuse. PTS-inDie tunes for your soul.

We are closing our doors and will no longer be available on IG or Facebook

Can still purchase music here or our new bandcamp: somedaysoonproductions ... more

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