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Week 5 / Acceptance / I Woke Up One Day And Knew Everything Was Different

by EMDR

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1.
Well we party Come in and dance with me Come and leave your phones at the door We can have a party all day and all night It doesn’t matter what we do we’re just having a time And if you left me in this strange in between with me and you Just don’t forget to say goodbye Come in and dance with me Come and leave your phones at the door Hold me tighter kiss me longer Laugh a little harder Come and leave your phones at the door We can have a party all day and all night It doesn’t matter what we do we’re just having a time And if you left me in this strange in between with me and you Just don’t forget to say goodbye ‘cause We can have a party all day and all night It doesn’t matter what we do we’re just having a time And if you left me in this strange in between with me and you Just don’t forget to say goodbye
2.
If I could go back in time, I’d do it all over again to get you But would you do it to get me, do you get me? Cause I know that I’m not anyone’s wildest dream But I’d like to think that maybe you like me Maybe you’ll like me too I met you when you were a husk of a man You didn’t wanna go nowhere and you didn’t wanna do nothing I did my best with the tools I had To fix this gaping hole in your heart and the Broken cogs inside your head And I’d give up every sunset we watched to see you smile again ‘Cause I want to be in your arms tonight They’re a warm safe place I packed my bags and walked out the door and Locked the past behind me But I guess that damn ghost followed me ‘Cause it’s welling up in my eyes There’s nothing like the soft regret of Keeping something in when you could’ve said it Now I’m paying it for it with my tears Here’s what I wanted to say dear I want to be in your arms tonight They’re a warm safe place I want to be (I will miss you when you go) I want to be in your arms tonight (I will miss you when you go) I want to be (I will miss you when you go) In your arms they’re a warm safe place (I will miss you when you go)
3.
4MT 09:31
I saw you wiping down the counter of some fine establishment Is alcohol a good excuse to introduce myself to you? I don’t know you but I want to You say funny things like ‘who’s to say’ ‘Bloody brilliant,’ ‘stupid wanker,’ ‘holy potatoes’ Canadian accents as we’re making fun on East Avenue Speak Spanish to me you were just asking the cook to translate A toilet seat and two peaches later you’re some polish kid Crushing my fingers in a window You don’t need a laser pointer to see how embarrassed you are But it’s kinda funny to me You let it slip you like frightened rabbit and All I could do was stare blankly and ask myself ‘who are you?’ I don’t know you Do you like the movies? You tasted good rice? You’ve never been to jazz fest? You’re the reason I’ll go to it Drink with me, throw darts at the dart board, and take a hit The candles lit on the fire escape You’re holding my hand on a longboard for two You called me attractive when I admitted the fact that I Wanted to learn Scott’s songs for you I wouldn’t hurt you like a father tries to make a man of his son He said ‘I won’t hurt you like that boy hurt you once’ What I see in you I want to be resilient too He said ‘when I talk to you I want to be resilient too’ Watching the night sky glow you laughed and you told me ‘Look up at the sky, look up at the stars’ But I was busy looking in your hazel eyes I was busy looking at the constellations in your hazel eyes Thinking ‘Isn’t it crazy we’re just stardust that’s gonna die on this rock’? We’re just stardust that’s gonna die on this rock Knowing that our life doesn’t matter I could stay up here with you all night Knowing how fragile we are I’ll choose to keep you at arm’s length And not touch you but I want to And not kiss you though I want to When you apologized for being so fucked up I wanted to hold you and tell you ‘It’ll be okay I know how you’re feeling ‘cause I’ve felt that way’ Hurt and scared that I might let you down with my love for you Hurt and scared the things I cannot say you’re thinking too And you are beautiful to me And you are beautiful And you’re red as you look at me in my red wine dress And I’m red as you look at me in your camera lens And I’m red as you look at me in my red wine dress And I’m red as you study me through your camera lens And I’m red as you tell me ‘I’m about to get close to you’ And you’re red as you tell me ‘I’m about to get close to you’ And I’m red as you tell me ‘I’m about to get close to you’ And you’re red as you tell me ‘I’m about to get close to you’ And you’re red as you tell me (you’re red) And you’re red as you tell me ‘I’m about to get close to you’ I saw you wiping down the counter of some fine establishment And you are beautiful to me
4.
Stay 06:34
Stay awake, can you hear me? Can you hear me when I’m hurting alone outside Can you hear me? Don’t leave me alone When I’m hurting alone outside Don’t leave me alone dreaming of you Stay awake, can you hear me outside? Stay awake (outside) can you hear me? Stay with me I don’t want to be alone I want to hear you say my name when you’re Screaming but I can’t make out the phrase As the lightning hits the pavement I’m in the hallway and it takes my breath away Without you here it’s just another day I contemplate wanting to die Don’t leave me alone when I’m hurting alone outside I contemplate wanting to die Don’t leave me alone Give me a heart or give me up Stay awake (outside) can you hear me alone outside? Stay awake (leave me alone outside) Don’t leave me alone outside Stay with me I don’t want to be alone I want to hear you say my name when you’re Screaming but I can’t make out the phrase As the lightning hits the pavement I’m in the hallway and it takes my breath away Without you here it’s just another day (outside, stay with me) Stay with me I don’t want to be alone (don’t wanna be alone) I want to hear you say my name when you’re (outside) Screaming but I can’t make out the phrase (stay with me) As the lightning hits the pavement (stay with me) I’m in the hallway and it takes my breath away (outside) Without you here it’s just another day (stay with me outside) I contemplate wanting to die Dreaming of you
5.
SSP (Bonus) 02:26
Someday soon I wanna be loved by you I wanna be loved by you someday soon Someday soon Wanna be loved by you Someday soon Someday soon Someday soon I wanna be loved by you Someday, someday soon I wanna be loved by you Wanna be loved, wanna be loved by you I want to be loved by you Someday, someday soon Someday, someday Someday soon, someday soon I wanna be loved by you someday soon I wanna be loved by you someday soon Wanna be loved by you (someday soon) Someday soon Someday soon Someday soon I wanna be loved by you

about

*Content Warning: trauma, dv, ptsd

Notes:

The last ep is unique, because, unlike the other four, it’s actually not about my abuser. Rather, it’s about the last stage of grief where I had finally opened the door to celebrating my life anew, feeling safe, and welcoming new experiences into my life again. As I write this in 2020, I don’t want to say this is a farewell ep, but in hindsight it might as well be. Some of the songs tell a very specific story about the friend I had made (in the third ep) that summer (and subsequently lost, but that didn’t happen until after this ep was written, so it’s irrelevant to the ep itself). It’s hard to write about this ep because I haven’t fully figured out what it means. That’s the thing about trauma--processing is never-ending. It’s been two years since I started EMDR, since I left this abusive relationship, and I am still processing and healing as a survivor. And I was very fortunate to be able to process some really painful things through beautiful experiences, like staring at stars, watching movies on a fire escape, making stir-fry, learning what a light meter is, and understanding all over again that I had something to offer the world--compassion. That I wasn’t alone. That people who hadn’t gone through my experience were feeling a lot of the things I was feeling: undervalued, self-loathing, disconnected--and that they deserve love, care, and human decency. This ep is an invitation to leave your phones at the door and have a party!

The fifth ep (week 5) represents the fifth stage of grief: acceptance. This is the fifth installment of five under EMDR. The five eps are available as a compilation album for purchase here: emdr.bandcamp.com/album/emdr-a-five-ep-compilation

credits

released September 4, 2020

Viola - Cindy Lan
Bass - Robert MacPartland
Drums - Andrew Tachine
Guitar / Vocals - Julia Egan

Album Art - Devon Rose, @artbydevrozie
Mixing & Mastering - Sam Snyder

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EMDR

EMDR (c. 2018), fronted by guitarist and songwriter Julia, uses loop pedals, a pink fender, drums, beats, and viola to bring you indie-alternative narratives on ptsd and domestic abuse. PTS-inDie tunes for your soul.

We are closing our doors and will no longer be available on IG or Facebook

Can still purchase music here or our new bandcamp: somedaysoonproductions
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